Conflict Resolution

For young children, low-intensity parallel play can quickly escalate into a high-intensity exchange. When they feel overwhelmed they begin to struggle with regulating their emotional and behavioral responses. At Cottage, we view these conflicts as tremendous learning opportunities where a teacher can step in, stabilize the situation and help initiate a child-generated resolution. Consider this simple example:

Two children, Susie and Rita, are playing independently, side by side, when they both happen to reach for the last wooden block at the same time.

Susie quickly grabs the block first.

Rita emphatically exclaims, “That’s mine!”

Susie tightens her grip and pulls the toy in closer to her body while replying, “I had it first!”

Rita then tries to take the block from Susie’s hand.

At this point, Teacher Gilda intercedes by placing her hand onto the block - without taking it away from either child - and verbally identifies the problem: “I see that you are both pulling on the block. It looks like you both want the same block.”

Susie explains, “I need this block to finish my tower.”

Rita chimes in, “but I need it to finish my bridge.”

Teacher Gilda listens and mirrors their concerns: “I see… Susie, you are building this tall tower and were going to put this last piece on top. And, Rita, you were working on your bridge and wanted to put this last piece on the end.”

By down-playing the intensity and allowing the girls to feel heard, they begin to regain their composure. Teacher Gilda continues, “What should we do?”

Empowered to find a solution, Susie and Rita are able to begin shifting their focus to solving the problem. Perhaps they might work together to locate another block, find a substitute to finish both projects, or even take turns with the remaining block. Whatever decision they ultimately agree on is really much less important than the fact that they were able to create their own answer.

By not directly imposing a solution, this approach encourages children to develop the building blocks that truly matter: self-awareness, empathy, confidence, language and problem solving.